When cartoons had morals
At the end of every G.I. Joe cartoon, one of the main dudes would stand up and give a speech. It usually had something to do with the story, and how one of the characters was a prick who only thought of himself. "If this guy wasn't such a cocksucker," the Joe would go on to say, in different words of course, "None of this shit would have happened. Children, don't be a prick." In turn, we weren't pricks. Much
When Halloween was awesome
We used to get together three weeks before the big day and formulate a plan; map out streets, circle houses with huge payouts, and of course stock up on toilet paper and eggs. These days little bastards go out with their parents and wear bright colored costumes so as to not get ran over. They bring one (1) small bag and when it is full, they are 'tired and want to go home'. We filled up pillowcases by the fuckload. Bag snatchers do not get the fear they deserve anymore either. Hell, these kids nowadays never even have to run for their lives. Damn shame, that is.
When all you needed to get laid was beer and a baseball field
There was a time, young Jedi, that you could stash a couple of forties out by the bleachers and that cute girl from your science class would be slobbering on your wookie by the time it was dark enough to pick out the Big Dipper. Eventually she would start to puke and you would have to drag her home, sit her on the porch, and get away quick before the dad came out with a shotgun. The next day she would ask you "My god, what did we do last night?" You would say "You slobbered on my wookie." And she wouldn't slap you.
When a 12 pack of Naughty Lite was $5
When guys meet up, they need beer. The Angry StepKid and I used to visit a chap by the name of Martinez. We would begin our night by pooling all our pocket change until we had enough to afford a 12 pack. We would each horde our four beers like soulless chimps guarding sacred bananas and drink them down as quick as we could before any of the others could get any ideas about how our individual allocation of the beer was to be distributed. We would do this like 4 times a night. And it only cost us $20.
When video game systems lasted longer than 3 months
We all know
Optimus Prime's voice
Those of us who are old enough to remember the cartoon, or you can always find it on the Pirate Bay, might notice something familiar about the voice of Optimus Prime in the two
Expos hats were really popular back in the 80's and 90's. Not so much because the baseball