YOUR MOM SMELLS LIKE HOTDOG WATER!

You ever notice how when you go to someone's funk tank, it has a distinct odor? If you're a mutha phuckin rockstar like yours truly, you got a melting pot of colleagues from all different races. This poses an interesting query for jerk faces like myself, who tend to notice shit like this..Your race will determine how your home is gonna smell. I will go into detail.

1.) My Border Jumpin Chollo's and Chicas: I have frequented a few of their "casas" I have been know to unwrap a tamale at Christmas. I have achieved legendary status among the original "Bud-Light Crew". I got my Mexican Judo application pending.. Anyway if you've ever been to a Latino's household, it smells like food. Generally because there is ALWAYS someone home, and that someone (elder female) is usually cooking. Pesole, Chorizo, Tortillas, Tamales, Salsa, I love it all..  If you got some Latino friends, you know what I mean..

2.) My Nubian Large Lipped Nuckas: I'm hood. I got my ghetto pass and am welfare cheese certified. I got skills on the court, have been know to spit a flow. I've licked a chocolate nipple. I watch 106th and Park. What! Whenever we'd hit up "The Crib" for some "Red" kool-aid, The same thing kept poppin into my head.. "Why the fuck does it smell like Cocoa Butter in dis bitch?" or "Where the fuck is that Vanilla Scent marinatin' at?" Yes, my colored companions, Ya'll cover up yer funk wit Island scents.. Which makes no sense because, You ain't islanders.. If it ain't Blueberry, Peach Optimo's, or Black and Milds, it's Cocoa Butter... Werd.

3.) My Indians Feathered and Dots: I know you. I got a multicolored rug! Yah'teeh Sha-buddy! All praise Allah! I gotchu all in check! You two fall into the same category as My Chollos! Food, food, and more food! It never fails either. I'm waitin on the bluebird scented flour for Fried bread or the Cumin to tease my nostrils on our way to curry heaven. The rugs all over the hogan or home is a little off-putting at first, but is tolerable when the 5 ft 3 inch, red dotted forehead lady brings on that oh so spicy chicken! Your Nolly makes the best Mutton stew this side of Greasewood. Word to your mothers..

4.) My Asian Persuasions: Concubines, Egg White Soup, Chopsticks.. I only got one Asian friend. His name is Tong. His mom cooked a dog once. The Tong's home smelt like U.S. Airmen. I stayed over at Tong's house one night and it was awkward. Tong's mom was a "Lady of the Night". Tong used to be afraid of Tom and Jerry Cartoons and Gary Busey. This entry may be invalid. Tong was sentenced to 8 yrs in federal prison for a fireworks racketeering scheme he was involved in.. He gets out in 2016. Don't drop the soap buddy..

5.) My Melanin Deficient Reddy's: Hey there! Yes you sir.. How are you today, Me? Super! Yeppers! Ok I'll quit.. For the record, I'm not White. Not on the outside anyway, I have been told on numerous occasions that "I am whiter than most white people." I probably fit into this category. I've been to numerous white folk abodes. I'm welcome. I smile a lot. I have been known to frequent places where drunk white chicks congregate. I got one question? "Why in the hell does it smell like kitty litter?" Can't you fucks smell it? It doesn't help the smell of cat shit by covering it up with "cat shit cover up smell good dirt." If it's not that, it's some floral aroma from Glade. Whatchu tryna hide? Is it possibly the smell of a decaying corpse buried in the basement? That vinegary smell is either douche or Kitty litter. Either way , it's scary.


The next time you're out, check the smell at the door. Then smile and say, "Did you read that rant by Angry Step Kid?" They'll get the hint. Just be weary of the friend who asks you first. You filthy animal!