Narcissistic Introvert

Best used by tomorrow? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! I wasn't watchin' the hourglass. In my travels, I have destroyed more than one relationship with my inability to realize I need to keep my mouth shut. There are some things that need to be left unsaid. "Do I look fat in this?", "Are you listening to me?", "Do you think I'm smart?"  You should never ask questions you don't want the answers to. I don't ask if my penis is enormous. I know my 2 1/2 inches is nothing to envy unless yours is 2 inches. In which case, (points finger) Ha Ha! I have a dickey-doo belly and Flintstone feet. These are a fact of life. My gene pool is littered with dipsomania and ginger tits. These are the things that make me unique. I am comfortable in my own skin. Werd.

For some reason, I get to be judge and jury and other's generally care about my opinion. This is odd to me. Really. I am the last person anybody should want passing judgment on them. I've lost my marbles and am more than one sandwich short of a picnic. I understand the draw I suppose. "Scribes wrote history. Heroes died." Is it that as I scribble and tickle your brain with my wordplay it permits me the right to oversee other facets of your everyday life? I don't think it does, but fuck it, hand over the reigns. I'll steer you somewhere. You may wake up smelling like Malt Liquor and Slim Jim's, but like I said before, "Fuck it!" If that's what you want.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE hard. Hard. All of the relationships I have been a part of, have ended badly. This tells me two things. 1.) It was real. It only hurts when it's real. 2.) I fucked it up somehow. I admit that I have never been a "both feet in the door" type of boyfriend. Always had a plan B. (NOT meaning another girl waiting in the wings) I have kept a small bit of myself private from everyone. I need to have that sense of self. It helps to keep me sane, when I know that others see me as something different entirely.

We all seek the approval of our peers. Hmm.. This only holds true if you actually care what people think about you. My writing all began because it made me laugh. ME. I am a notorious people watcher and I think you are hilarious. I observe you daily. Just for shits and giggles. I like appearing to be the disheveled shitfaced bum in the street. Little do you know I own an Audi S4 and a house in the hills. I'm that guy who you ignored in art class. That dude that rarely spoke and mainly sat there with a sly grin. I'm an asshole most of the time. I admit it. I have a chip on my shoulder. These are traits I have honed for a later occasion.

I have written this mess for me. Your feedback is always well received, but I needed to remember who the hell I do this for. I'll be on the lookout for you and your newness. I'll be the simpleton who appears drunk and smokes to many cigarettes. I have been hangin around coffee houses as of late. See ya soon. Out.