Como? No Habla Internet Servicio..

Hola bitches...sorry it has been so long. I am hurriedly writing this on a dilapidated old computer that still runs windows 95. The internet is sketchy were I am at and now that I feel it is safe I will fill you all in.

I am currently on the lam. Ha! I have always wanted to say that. I wish I could tell you what I did, but that would make you all accomplices and I am a noble villain if nothing else. I wish I could say I did it for love, for passion, for honor...but the ugly truth is I was curious.....and bored. Not a good combo for the Candster.

No I did not go all Dexter on someone. I wish it were that simple. I will have to say that my Spanish is getting better..but I am getting quite drunk because all I know how to ask for is beer, tequila and the bathroom.

So in that regards I do apologize my lovelies for being AWOL. However, I am too pretty to go to prison and I hate breaking my nails stabbing people with a homemade toothbrush shiv. Plus you all know how I love my wine...and while you can make your own in your toilet with some rotten fruit....not the same panache.

I have found that no matter where I go...weirdo men/boys are drawn to me. Like retarded romantic moths to a flame. The more I am indifferent and apathetic the more they try to get me to react. Tho' I do have to say having money wired into my offshore account to help me because you say you love me...not complaining. PLEASE, PLEASE love me...with money.

I actually had to slow their roll a little though. Mostly because it was tiring and I am trying to evade detection. Kinda hard when three different men keep wanting to know where you at and where you be. Most of them know about the others and for some inexplicable reason do not care. I would be more curious about it, if I just plain didn't give a shit.

At least, I have an excuse for not answering right away or being unavailable. What can you say to, "Babe shut the fuck up I only have a minute, because your phone is probably tapped." You make that minute count dammit. You express to the other person what is effing important. Like when you are going to deposit more money, por favor.

I have to go. Dial up here is sketchy due to brown outs. However, I don't anticipate being here for much longer. Even though there is no extradition here I ain't taking no chances. I honestly am just laying low. I am pretty sure the person I set up to take the fall will and my alibi is almost flawless.

Anyways, peace out for now. I will catch up with ya'll when I get to my next undisclosed location. Ciao.