Saturday, September 11, 2010
Hmmm.. "Maybe we haven't progressed that much." I thought, "Maybe I'm still an asshole." Yep.. The latter.. I decided that I'm the MOST racist man alive! I think that everyone is equally worthless. I am a multi racial foul mouthed heathen. My race is ambiguous. I'm a Southwestern, Northeastern bag of shit. Mostly aged Scotch decent between the hours of 9am and 8am. I laugh at jokes about Jews, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Gays, Christians, Catholics, Ethiopians, NASA, Midgets, Your retarded, one armed sister who works the "clapper" by slapping her tit. "Clap on. Clap off." You get the point.
I hail from the most awesome and most potent of bloodlines. My Grandfather is rumored to have numerous children all over the world. He was a pussy magnet evidently. I blame and thank him for a lot of my views..
Example 1.) : Coffee Shop, 1984. "Hey Grandpa! Can I have a hot chocolate?" grumble, grumble.. "No. You can have a Pine Float!" "What's that?" I said., " A glass of water with a toothpick. Now shut up."
Example 2.) : Canyon Lake, 1989. (Gramps and I were loading up his fishing boat when two guys walked up.) "Hey there sir, our battery in our truck is dead. Could you give us a jump?" grumble, grumble.. "Jump? I couldn't jump you two if you were 21 and female. Now leave me alone."
Example 3.) : Chicago AmTrack Station, 1992. (Gramps and I waitin for our luggage, strange man walks up.) "Hey there fine sirs.. Can I borrow 2 bucks to get a cab ride home?" grumble, grumble.. "It only costs ya 2 bucks for a cab ride home??? That sounds like fucking walking distance to me!"
Grandfather was gangster. He once told me that most people are pieces of shit, most of the time. Except for Grandma. This made it easier for me to accept and laugh at the flaws in everyone. Hopefully this will help you to remember to laugh today. Remind you to say "Fuck yeah I'm American! Fuck yeah I hate Tom Brady! Fuck yeah your retarded sister with one arm owns the clapper! We live in a Shit Stack of endless possibilities. Just the way I like it. Keep on Truckin.