Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Skinny Jeans are for Ass Clowns

I understand that these little horny, hormone driven, shit stains are going to court my Violet. I understand it's my job as her father, to put a 12 gauge shotgun over my mantle to ward them off.

What I don't understand is their peacock feathers. I can't for the life of me understand the trend or the attraction to these long haired, greasy, skinny jeaned, little shits. I see them when I pick Violet up from school. They stand around her with one white ear bud in their ear and plaid shirts. They don their skinny size 4 jeans half hanging off their ass. Skinny sagging jeans with studded white belts. Fucking weirdos.

I remember during the 90's guys would sag their pants. They were baggy jeans not skinny jeans. I guess Sasson or Jordache is ok for boys jeans now. I'm outdated. Even so, I forbid my son T.L. to wear anything like this. As of now, I buy his fucking clothes. I know that will change and he'll follow the flock and begin fluffing his feathers too. I'm just troubled by all the newness.

I have to admit that I used to roll my pants at the bottom sometimes. I also used to wear Bugle Boy pants with suspenders hanging down around my ass. It was all the rage to wear grey casual pants or bleached, stone washed jeans, and a pink shirt. I also remember that everyone wanted to look like Crocket and Tubbs from Miami Vice. Those guys were cool. I enjoyed dressing in pastel colors and white slip on shoes. Nowadays it looks retarded and rather metro-sexual. I hate knowing that I'm getting older.

My beard and my hair have some gray in it. I didn't know this until about a year ago because I never tried to grow a beard before. I still haven't received any gray nut sack hair, so that's promising. I don't require Viagra, but the wife says my stamina has slipped. Little does she know that I just like to get my nut, and go to sleep. We both have our secrets. She still thinks that her 10 inch dildo is a secret. (yes I measured it.) I tend to not sweat the small stuff. She knows about my smut mags and has never made a peep about it, so we're even for now.

Evolving with the times is inevitable and damn it I'm trying to be optimistic. I just wish I would have had fair warning. All's I can do for now is act mean as hell when these Justin Beiber clones come a knocking and try not to sweat the small stuff.


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