Old Gray Miranda Montana

Holy Sheep Shit! You have got to be fucking kidding me!?! What the fuck?! (insert all other manner of confused expletives.) I have discovered a gray hair. Yeah, I know, total horse shit right? I was shaving my nether region, and there it was. Right there on the street, South of Undercarriage and Taint Avenue. Is this even possible? I mean, I guess it is, cuz there the fuck it was!

As I begin to near the ripe old age of 27, I am beginning to think about aging in general. Am I allowed to have the same thoughts I had as a younger man? For instance, when is that little "I Carly" tramp gonna have a sex scandal? Paris Hilton style. A good ole sex tape like "A night in I Carly". I've witnessed the Miranda Cosgrove "kissing you" video, and it made me wonder if she takes it in the ass yet? Just sayin. Spooning leads to Forking. So it's the natural next step for her. Hmmm..

I go out people watching, which is my want. I see you and your oddities. What I see, I write about. My main "what the fuck?" this very day is about those hideous, hellish "Shape-Up" shoes. I seen you rockin them. Thinking to yourself that maybe they'll work. Walking around with your mother-in-law at the mall believing your ass will eventually look like those Reebok commercials. Sorry to piss in your Cherrios. It ain't happenin. You can't just wear them to Starbucks, JC Penney, and back to an Orange Julius and expect.. POOF! Instant J-Lo ass. That's like praying to God only when you want something. You gotta put in the work sister.  Those shoes are a  scam like Itunes. Good luck with that ladies.

As far as you fuckbag gents, I didn't forget about you.. Men's Shape-Ups shoes.. "What the fuck?" Yeah, I know, it baffled me too. They have paraded this ultimate cunt on wheels to be their poster boy. Joe Montana. He was a great quarterback. A Hall of Famer for sure. Now he's nancing around in these clown shoes that are geared towards making your ass fit your Dockers better? Huh? I haven't witnessed a man wear them yet. Once I do, I'll post pics. What happened Joe? How much did they pay you buddy? Did ya really sell out to Skechers for clown shoes? Kill yourself. Slowly..

I'm done for now, I'm investigating this single hair... It may not be gray... It may just be old dried up frumunda juice... I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, growing older has its perks.. I just haven't found any yet. But my nut sack sure does look spiffy.