Bad to the Boner

Boobs! Ass! Curves! Eyes! Sparkly Smell Good Goodness! I thought that might grab your attention. These are the elements that made this bus driver of your short bus absolutely bat shit crazy! I got my first real boner about the age of seven. I have noticed that not too many things have changed in my mindset since then. It's possible I am immature and only seem to care about the physical attributes of women. I don't fucking think so, but it's possible. You see my friends, I lack realistic views about women in general.

Picture the scene... Three little shithead males, ages 7-10yrs old, a "noody" magazine, and all three trying to figure out the "growing lump" in their jeans. Ahhh.. those were the days. I was soo fucking confused at what I was looking at, and the way it made me feel, that I had to keep looking at it. These were grown women. They had hair down there. (I don't condone this anymore.) They had breasticles. They were happy to be nekkid. Man, I was impressed. I honestly felt like these beautiful women were angels. Yeah, I was a stoopid lil guy. Stupid but curious. This I found out later was perfectly natural. At the time, I was supposed to feel naughty or ashamed. Fuck, the only two things I felt weird about was the stolen smut book we had, and how I was supposed hide this glorious thing. (the boner and the magazine.)

This is my story. This is the part where I say women are made of sugar and spice and blah blah blah.. Fuck that. The women I've come across in my life are DTF and cuss like drunken sailors. These are my type of women. The one's who smoke, drink, and cuss. These are the women, that give me wood. The bad girls. They have an aura about them. A "Ride or Die" bitch. The kind of girl who will punch a mother fucker for you! If I get in a fight, not only will she kick some ass, but she'll buy me a shot and suck on my bloody lip..

The Boner is a freak of nature. It is the motherfucking Anti-Christ at times. It does what it wants and has no conscience. It causes bad decisions and uncontrollable morning wood. Drinking alcohol only enhances it's unbelievable power over the male mind. If you don't agree, then you either do not own a penis or you can no longer bless others with a boner. They come (pun intended) in all shapes, sizes, colors, and durability levels.

In short, as confusing as the boner is, If you're lucky enough to keep it around a while, it will make many of your sexual conquests for the most part happy. At least that's why I think those women in the "noody" magazines were smiling..

Side note: My "favorite move" to initiate sex, is poking the unsuspecting maiden with my boner in the small of her back while she is asleep. This works very well, especially in the morning. I know, I'm an asshole. You already knew that though.