Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Pearl Necklace for The Glory Hole?

"I'm broke bitch! Gimmee some pussy!" This line has worked for me only once before.. It caught Paris Hilton off guard and made her feel like a dirty whore. So basically, she felt normal. She can afford to fuck down. Knockin boots with this poor writer from the wrong side of the tracks is not a big deal for her. I rewarded her with a fresh pearl necklace. She was thrilled.

Not too many of us have this option. This led me to tonight's conundrum.. How much does it cost really to get in those droors of yours? I am known around these parts to be a fucking brilliant casanova. I pull out all the stops. I let my "flavor of the night" choose up to 3 items on the 99 cent menu. I splurge at the 2 dollar Super Saver Matinee. I occasionally buy TWO 40's of Mickey's Premium Malt Liquor. The good stuff. I even let my girls smoke the 2nd half of the blunt. I'm fuckin GQ!

What ever happened to fallin in lust with a nucka with a bus pass? For real?  This is a very important thing we face today. We're in a recession and Pussy costs! (Yes, you too my hardcore butch lesbos.) We all end up payin for it somehow. I just need to know what the going rate is so I can stay ahead of the game. I been asking on the street, "Hey you! How much you charge me to test out that hatchet wound?" or "What's the going rate on muff dog these days?" I get the same looks as I did at my 8th grade prom, when I asked, "You wanna play smelly finger." Back in those days I was bit more romantic.


My charm has always been my "Go to guy" when approaching something as delicate as scoring some trim. So speaking for myself, I honestly don't need the help. I'm mainly doin this research because I'd like to put a monetary value on it, and to see if buying a hooker is cheaper. I know what you're thinking, but regardless, working girls don't like loose change for whatever reason. "Money's money!" I scream as I toss some nickles and dimes on the stage. This is usually an unwelcome practice I've found. The stink face from these silly girls who'll show you a boob for a buck, but won't play "just the tip" for a five? It's very confusing..

If you could give me some insight into this dilemma I'd really appreciate it. Send pics of your sister, aunt, female cousin, grandmother or your mom if you'd like too.

(disclaimer)  ---> Pictures WILL NOT be returned and once received are the sole property of Angry Step Kid® LLC.

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