Thursday, October 28, 2010

Bliss at the Jiggly Room

The Jiggly room. A pornucopia of blood, sweat, tears, hooker clothing, and breasticles for a buck. Basically, bliss. My family unit showed up for my promotion. Picture the scene. A smoked filled room that smelled of last nights alcohol and multi-gendered crotch juice. High fives all around. Fist bumps, nipple pinching, blowjobs galore.

Stepfather enjoyed the fruits of the "dancers" numerous talents. Stepmother hopped onto the pole and showed the skills she learned from the "Flirty Girl Fitness Pole" I had saved up to buy her last summer for her 63rd birthday. She's flexible and sexy as you could imagine. My cousin's wife (hottie) showed up with the twins too.. Like I said before, bliss.

All of my closest and dearest friends were in attendance for such a grandiose occasion. Today, I am no longer the low man on the totem pole. (pun intended) No more early morning rendezvous with the mop bucket and Lady Ga Ga's latest top 40 hit. Nope my compadres, I have been promoted. Take this name badge and shove it! I am a better man as of now. No longer will I be known as the "Cum Scrubber". Swabbin the spooge booth is no longer my forte. Papa has a new title. A new job. A new way of life.

I always knew if I just shut the fuck up, appeared to love my position, it would someday pay off. I was right. My days here at "The Randy Shaft" have been glorious. My only complaints have been the hierarchy, or chain of command of this fine establishment. I was once a lowly worker bee. Nope, not anymore. I get all the same perks as everyone else. The good stuff. 50% off cover charges on Sunday afternoons, (That's when the best women perform if you're curious) I get to pick the first three songs of the night from the DJ booth, and I get to be on stage between every three to five dances. Did I mention that I get to keep any change I find in the club or the parking lot? I'm telling ya, This new position suits me perfect.

My new name tag even displays my new job description. "Pole Greaser." I ensure the safety of the poles. If the poles are not properly greased and cleaned, our girls might have an accident while performing. Not on my watch. I'll make sure those poles are in tip top shape. Slippery cooch poles are a no no. That's why my job is so important. Man, things are really taking off for me. Maybe I'll put in for the bouncer job next year.. I'm gonna start lifting weights right now.


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