Saturday, January 15, 2011

Not So Bar Fly

I don't think that my friend is going to ask me to go out with her again. Not for the usual classic reason's that most people give to regular folk. You know... "You cried all night long till snot came out your nose and then puked all over the guy who was listening to you" or "You got really drunk and started making out with the skeeziest dude in the bar on the dance floor." I think you get the picture.

Nope. She will not ask me out again, because all the creepy dudes who approached us were scared of me. She kept telling me to be nice. What. The. Fuck. Over. Explain this one to me. Let me give you an overview of the night and then you tell me if I am way off base.

We were sitting at the bar having a drink and a conversation. We were just chilling till they started playing some good tunes and then we were going to hit the dance floor. So El Creepo Chollo plops himself next to me. He starts the conversation by asking us if we are sisters. We look nothing alike. Oh wait. We both have the similar hair colors. Holy crap.I retract my statement.

After that, the next statement from the El Creepo is that he is not looking for a long term relationship or anything like that you know. Just want to have a good time, do a little dancing etc.. WOW. Hold me back. I think I may be in love. Who starts off a conversation like that? Ok so mebbe I have, but that was an ad on Craigslist. Plus, I was not at a bar and it was an ad with specific requirements.

She wasn't digging it either, but like a dumbass kept smiling and talking to him. We eventually ditched him, but she kept telling me to be nice. I got pissed and asked why should I be nice to people who annoy the fuck out of me. It shut her up, but she did say I was cramping her style.

Oh. My bad. I am sorry that I am keeping disgusting, yucky assbag douche farmers away from you. I wanted to tell her, "Darling there are better men in here, but they ain't coming over here if you keep talking to the floor scum."

I also don't know what the hell she is talking about. The men leave me alone. It doesn't stop them from latching on to her like pond leeches. I don't give a fuck what she does, but please don't touch me or try to talk to me. If I want something from you or am interested in you, you will be the first to know.

My poor friend. She has no clue. Maybe I don't either, but at least the danger zone is healthy and I don't have any current stalkers. Well, I guess it is time to put an ad on Craigslist for a "going out" friend.


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