Saturday, February 5, 2011

Unhappily Ever After

Ebola virus. Genocide. Famine. Jersey Shore. Marriage. These are all things that are horrible and most unfortunate events. Out of the above mentioned, I have experienced only one. No.I don't watch Jersey Shore. I lose enough brain cells drinking. I meant marriage.

I only bring this up, because someone I care very much about is going to commit themselves solely to someone else. That is until one or the other cheats, gets bored or admits they are gay. I also have to go witness it like someone watching an execution, but not as fun.

I fucking hate weddings. I also hate being involved somehow in them. Of course, life being the raging fucking bitch that he is always makes sure that I get asked to participate.

I have to go buy a dress for me and a present for the condemned. I also have to smile and pretend like I give a rat's ass. When will people learn? I do not know ANYONE who is "happily" married. Not. One. Single. Person.

The people who are for some inexplicable reason happy aren't married. They are just together. For some reason, that ceremony and piece of paper changes what was probably a good thing into a horrific nightmare. It usually ends disastrously and like the metaphorical pebble in a pond ripples out to affect everyone around them.

I was married once. He cheated on me. Repeatedly. Not that I cared. It kept him away from me. It just bothered me that he liked to tell me in graphic detail. He also liked to compare notes from them to me. After FOUR years of this crap, I couldn't take it anymore. I punched him in the face. Repeatedly.

He called the cops. I went to jail. I wasn't even trying to fuck him up. Do I regret punching him? Of course I do, I went to jail. I wasn't really trying to hurt him. I just wanted him to shut up. He was a fucking pussy. Needless to say, that lead to a horribly long and drawn out divorce that cost me thousands of dollars. Just in case you were wondering the charges got dropped because he lied to the cops.

I say never again. EVER again. Unless its for lots and lots of money...even then..probably not. Everyone cheats now days so why invest so much to lose it all plus your dignity. Take my advice, if you are considering it...RUN AWAY.

Gays and lesbians want to be miserable with the rest of the sheeple. I say LET THEM...or just ban the damn thing all together. Everything else that is bad for you is illegal why not marriage...oh wait that is just the bad things that are FUN...


Demented Duchess on February 6, 2011 at 7:23 AM said...

At the reception you should start a betting pool. Be the Marriage Bookie. Show odds, 2-1 someone's gay, 5-1 he'll cheat first, etc. It will liven things up for you and perhaps you'll make some invested moolah back in 6 - 24 months.

You'll need a thug, though. For collection purposes. I suggest finding a priest who can box. He'll make the power of Christ compel them to pay up. Catholics have centuries of experience getting money out of folk.

Jes on February 19, 2011 at 10:48 AM said...

I fucking love weddings. Let me rephrase that - I fucking love wedding receptions. F'real I do. I don't even care if I'm a part of it. That ugly dress just serves as my ticket to a microphone. You bet your sweet ass I'm gonna make some fucked up comments, and hit on the groom while I do it too... maybe even make comments about meeting him in the coat room. I don't care... this is your punishment for allowing me to drink and attend your wedding at the same time. Deal with it.

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