Monday, January 30, 2012

Cyber ICandi..

I have once again decided to dabble in the decidedly murky world of internet dating. I put up a profile and in twenty-four hours I had over 200 e-mails. I had to remove the feature to e-mail my home e-mail because my inbox was overflowing. Sigh....I am a hot commodity apparently. The burdens of being awesome and sexy.

I have already e-mailed, chatted, texted, phoned and met someone within a span of a couple of hours. We met for ten minutes and went our separate ways. THAT is what I am talking about people. Efficient use of one's time is paramount to success. That includes dating. We clicked through e-mail, chat, text and phone. However, when we met it was like eating just iceberg lettuce. If you don't know what I mean by are stupid. Moving on. (See that? Efficient!)

I have also had some very amusing e-mails that illicited uncontrollable laughter but no response. I literally had someone e-mail me with this gem. "how u doin boo mah god u is so beautiful dnt b a stranger..." Seriously? Really? Wow. That is copied verbatim spelling and all. To be fair, I think he may have been using his phone...but still...

I am having fun with this. Maybe, too much fun. Oh and in case you didn't notice I decided not to become a lesbian. I am happy being straightish. Maybe, I have some form of ADHD. Omigod look a dead cat! I don't know it is a strong possibility. I do like potato salad. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, ADHD I don't know I think that is a made up thing.

I have realized that being this awesome has some downfalls. I literally can't keep all these men straight. I have sent texts to the wrong one and accidentally called someone I didn't mean to call. I played it off. I am a pro.

So currently I am talking to about six different men and just talking. I am not ready to share my candi goodness that way yet. I am just loving the attention and it's intoxicating people. Like fine crack, I mean wine. I may talk slutty, but I am not an actual slut. I just know how to speak it.

I am sure I will have more thrilling tales you are DYING to read about my "love" life. I know I am fascinating and addicting. It's a curse more than a blessing. You learn to live with it and cope with it like any disability. Those of you cursed with awesomeness and sexy know what I am talking about. The other 90 percent of you seethe with impotent rage and jealousy. I wrote 90 because I was being generous and nice (another wonderful thing about me). It is probably more like 99.9% but everyone must have dreams right?

Well, I have to get to my day job. Like Superman had Clark Kent to hide his true awesomeness, I have another persona that I put on so I can lead a normal life. You are all wonderful. I am high off my awesomeness. I love you! Kisses!


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