Friday, December 3, 2010

2011 Alpha.

This masterful plan of pimptasticness has been in the works for about 10 years now. It was temporarily lost. Once upon a time, I was a pothead. I used to hide weed from myself so that I could be surprised when and or if  I found it. (Don't judge. It's all very scientific.) Anyway, I do the same thing with my magnificent million dollar plans. If you need one, I can sell you one. A million dollars of course.

This caper was recovered right on time. As of today, I have exactly 28 days to put this one into effect. I have all the materials needed. I am ready. The turkey baster, the willing 69 well nourished, unconscious, female participants, the 75 acre compound,(which is needed to house and grow my seeds.) and finally, the cryogenically frozen super splooge of my own loins. As you know, as of late, I have been on hiatus. Now you know what I've been up to. It's truly been a selfish, chaffing, experience.

Once all of the women are in place on the conveyor belt, they will need to be artificially inseminated. I know what you're thinking, "Why not impregnate them yourself?" Well my friends, I don't share my gift with just anyone. I am stingy with my magic stick. Anyhoo, back to the plan. I want all of the women to give birth around the fall of 2011. The year will then be known as year 1.

Like Spartans, I will school my children in the art of war and chaos theory. They will eventually become political leaders in all of the 50 states. By the time I am a ripe age of 60, my plan for World Domination will be in order. (insert diabolical laugh and weird hands rubbing scene) I know what you're thinking, "Why hadn't I thought of this?" Well, it's because you only think of children as prizes not troops.

If you happen to be knocked up and want a "Better Life" for you and your unborn child. Send a face shot, proof of family background, your dowry, your credit score, and 3 forms of identification. *side note* If your child is not born by the end of August to the 3rd week of September, you both will be discarded. :)

Yes, I am building a master race. Yes, they will love bacon and hate the Oakland Raiders. Yes, they will all build their own light saber and bully your honor roll student. Yes.. Oh yes.. Muwahahaha!


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