Monday, December 27, 2010

Symbiotic with the Stepkid?

I was stalking you today. It was nice. The cool brisk air seemed to illuminate your idiosyncrasies. I watched you pick your nose in traffic. I watched as you shuffled your way around in your shitty Shape-Up shoes. I imagined you got them for Christmas and your asshole relative or close friend told you they were fabulous. They lied by the way. You suck. Sorry, but you do. I'm the voice of reason.

You can't expect to please everyone all the time. I tried. I then realized that I am timeless like the smell of chitlins or your first time playin smelly finger. Maybe I should let you walk your idiot walk and not point things out. I can't help myself though. I go through a routine. I grab my Ipod, my trusty Scotch filled flask, a pack of Camel Wides, my pen and a few snot filled napkins. I get all incognito up in this bitch. Werd. I have been known to dress for the occasion. I switch it up. Once in a while, I'll don a Brooks Brother's tailored suit. Other times I'll wear your shitty football team's jersey. (depending on what city I'm in.) I venture out into the day and  I wait for you.

At first it was a thing I did on my way to some craptastic event. Now, I've evolved into this weirdo who thoroughly enjoys people watching. I am a pioneer. An addict. I can't help myself. The irony of all of this is that I don't really like people. I go out to simply view your disgusting habits and filthy lifestyle. It makes for great entertainment. I like seeing how you live. How you let your kids run you. How you talk shit to your spouse in public, and their reaction. I enjoy it. It is my reality TV.

I see you. Hell, you probably see me. I'm the guy with the sly grin who looks like he's up to something. I may be writing on the back of a napkin. I need you for my stories.

We are symbiotic it seems. I never thought about it that way until just now. Without your weirdness, I have no reason to laugh. Hmm.. It seems that your captain just had an epiphany.. I love looking at your shittasticness and require it. I raise my flask to it. I get dressed up to see it. I can't wait to see what you'll do next. Damn You! I guess..  Keep up the great werk and I'll see you in the trenches. Out.


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