Thursday, January 6, 2011

Gift and Curse.

Damn You! Damn you internet celebrity! I a man who writes bullshit. I take out all of my frustration on this keyboard. I have broken many pens and pencils in my day. Bitch ass keyboard you might be next. I can only imagine how far or where this is going.

I have entertained the masses and we have had a few laughs. We've bonded. Pissed in each other's boots. I've  put together phrases that are mildly entertaining and you have read them. That's it. But at what expense?

I am under the constant scrutiny of my peers. I have pissed off my family, friends, and practically ruined every tangible relationship I have come across. The word on the street is that "A writer's life has to be full of conflict or there is NO story." Possible. Very phucking possible. I only ask, why?

I got into this gig to amuse myself. Akin to mental masturbation. Not, I repeat NOT to add more fuel to a fire that has been burning my loved ones ever since I learned to mix werds and jot them down. I must admit that I enjoy the dance. I like giggling uncontrollably when I write something that I know will put a smile on the face of at least one other person somewhere. I agree, I am crass at times, but that is the draw.

I have conflict. I have pain. I have anger. I have raw uncut emotion. I also possess the ability to laugh. This is the reason for my scribbles and rants. It's soothing to know that someone will read this and might feel better about their shitty job or their fucked up home life. Maybe you just need something to peruse while you have your morning cup of coffee. I understand.

As many of you know, I am an insomniac. I have always felt that while I am asleep, I am missing out on something. Insomnia fuels my late night tribunals. I mentally document my day and list my thoughts here. I'm pleased by the overall acceptance and new found fans/friends. You rule, and I appreciate that you have joined me on this journey. That is the gift and the curse.

I will continue to write about my observations. I will continue to make you the reader laugh. I will also continue to hurt those closest to me because of this. This is a double edged light saber that only I can wield. I will use my best Darth Maul impression and try not to kill anyone while I promote my words. I will try. I can offer you know more than that. "Self-censorship is the worst kind." (Mickey Berry) Thanks Mick. I guarantee sir, I will keep this angry train on the track. It's all I know.

At this point, I have tried to please everyone and to be perfectly honest, I just need to please myself with this ordeal. If this fucker burns to the ground by me opening up and showing my underbelly, so be it!

Have no fear dear teenager who sneaks around reading my werk. Have no fear Facebook addict who stumbled upon my page and thought I was hilarious. Have no fear friends of mine who think that I have lost my mind. I have. Have no fear.. Out.


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