Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Awesome Standard

I am fucking awesome. Yeah I said it and you better damn well know I believe it. I can't say that I have always known this, but through all the hell, shit and drama I came through. I like me. I think I am pretty, funny, honest, loyal and maybe well.....no maybe.....I am a bitch.

How many of you know you are awesome? I mean truly know that. To be fair, some of you probably aren't. You can't help that, but it doesn't mean you can't achieve some level of awesomeness. Most likely you won't attain the awesomeness that I have, but some level is surely within your reach. Yeah I sound like an asshole right now, but you know what? I am a fucking awesome asshole.

Just so you know it is imperative to liberally sprinkle your speech and writing with "fuck" in order to be this awesome. I can honestly say that I am truly happy with who I am. I think that my thirties are going to be my most defining years. It helps that I am almost done with my genetically modified velociraptors that I will use to finally take over the world. Just kidding....

I am going to take a minute here to be universally caring. Don't blink or you will miss it. I want every single one of you to know how awesome you are. Unless you are completely fucktarded there is a portion of you that is awesome and will always be awesome. Find your inner awesome. Embrace and flaunt that bitch like I flaunt my boobs which by the way are fantastic.

If someone wants you to change, punch them in the ovaries and walk away. Unless you are the aforementioned fucktard...then you probably should change. For those that think they may be fucktards, I will be posting a self-help piece for you dick drizzlers later.

I am back with a vengeance. Love me, fear me, try to keep up with me....and it doesn't have to be in that order. This is just the beginning bitches...it won't always be this nice and won't always be this unoffensive. For now, I love all you hookers. Peace out niggas.


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